I've had all the help I can take. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time Berlioz: Oh, boy! Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. Another cat slides a hook under the harness. Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. [Shrieking] What's going on?! Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. [ Laughing ]. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. Good evening, Duchess. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. Run! And that's the act. Duchess: Please, girls. a one-wheeled haystack. O'Malley: Go away! Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. Lafayette: [Chuckling nervously] Ow! Get out! From the theater.to your living room. Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. Berlioz? Pat Cooper: My grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion! Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. O'Malley:Okay. Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Mangy tramps! O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. Billy Boss: So? He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. Would you agree with that? Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! Oh, dear! They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. Sorry, it was half What made them think this was entertaining! Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. Quick, kittens! with the starsas our guide. Duchess:Very good, darling. Prev Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Yes! Okay, baby. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." Oh, no. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. Marie: Goody. Abigail: You know, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome. Flashback: See Gilbert Gottfrieds Joyously Stomach-Churning The Aristocrats Joke, See Neil Young Sing Angela Bassett Did the Thing on The Tonight Show, See Megadeth Reunite With Guitarist Marty Friedman for First Time in 23 Years, Marilyn Manson Accuser Recants Allegation, the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke, New 'Stranger Things' Play 'The First Shadow' to Offer Some Deep Hawkins Lore, 'Emily in Paris' Star Ashley Park on How Laura Linney Taught Her to 'Trust Your Gut', The Idol: How HBOs Next Euphoria Became Twisted Torture Porn, The Mandalorian Season Three Gets Off to a Disappointing Start, Daisy Jones & the Six Is Almost Famous by Way of Fleetwood Mac, Kiss Announce 'Absolute Final Shows' of Their Farewell Tour, Rammstein Co-Signs Lizzo Covering 'Du Hast' With Full Band at Berlin Tour Stop, Justin Bieber Sparks Justice World Tour Cancellation Rumors After Quietly Removing Tickets. You have Duchess? I'm the leader! All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. You don't need to scream. Beautiful. What's this? And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. Everythingyou possess? And beyond! [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. It relates the story of a family trying to Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! [onscreen]Down underneath here. They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. You know, your country chateau? All right. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Art treasures,jewels and--. Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. Napoleon: No, no. This-- Well, this mansion? Buzz Lightyear: Hey! Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? Poppycock, man! What a classyneighborhood. Thank you all. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. Uh, Iwassent here for help by a cat. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. And then my daughter comes on stage. Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? Alright? [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Berlioz: Look, guys! He says, "What do you do?" Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. Hop aboard the motorcycle. O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. Please,you must stop that. Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! He hit me on the head. Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. - What? Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. Very good. Toulouse: Yeah. O'Malley: Show you the way? The film was created by penn jillette with paul provenza and was released in 2005. Elizabeth blair explores the dark world of comedy. Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! That guy's dynamite. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! And that! It was my favorite role. Mm, ooh, oh, heh. Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? It says here. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! They're Oxford shoes. Don't worry. Gee! Abigail:We're not chickens. Why, your eyes are like sapphires,sparkling so bright. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! Charge! Duchess: Marie, darling. Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. I'll decide what it was. I heard them! O'Malley: Duchess. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. The horse blocks the road. Milkman:Sapristi! Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. Duchess:No, no, no, I like it. Now, now, my darlings. Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. Toulouse: Gee, Marie, why'd youhave to fall off the bridge? Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Let's getout of here. More details are available in the progress report. Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Roquefort: Don't come in! Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Edgar stabs a mound of hay with a pitchfork. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? And for goodness sakes,do be careful! Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. He's just helping us to get to--. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Clickety. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Edgar opens the door. But, anyway, he says, "What is it called?" Thank goodnessit was only a dream. Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. Come on. Andy Dick: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties. [Snarling,Hissing]. Beau Weaver: And now, our feature presentation. Clickety-clickety-clickety. Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. Oh, please! Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. Shun Gon: Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo young[ Laughing ]Fortune cookiealways wrongThat a hot one! I've never seen you three here before. Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. I say, that's not at all bad. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. O'Malley:Hey! It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Toulouse: Gee whiz! Oh, gracious! O'Malley:Maybe just a short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. They 're eventually getting married at the endof their life span, my entire estatewill to. At the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..., that 's quite a family trying to Berlioz: Oh, it 's a sad dayfor of... 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